"that I may gain Christ"

Everyday is a day of desperation. There is not a morning I wake that I am not in desperate need of Jesus! But the key is remembering my desperation. My flesh is so weak. I need His Spirit, His word, His strength, His grace. I need His heart to beat within me. I need to abide in Him. I need to be broken. I need to be changed. I need to die to myself. I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. The Lord has been impressing this upon my heart so strongly. "Blessed are the poor in spirit..." (Matt. 5:3) ....Blessed are those who realize they are desolate. Blessed are those who fall on their face in desperation for Him! Blessed are those whose heart breaks over their own sin. ...That is my desire. I want to be like Jesus. I want to reflect His image, though I know the only way is through the refining fire. It is not by the easy, pain-free road that we come to reflect His image. 

"They had asked for a repentant heart and had surrendered themselves with a willingness to pay any price for it, and He sent them sorrow. They had asked for purity, and He sent them sudden anguish. They had asked for meekness, and He had broken their hearts. They had asked to be dead to the world, and He killed all their living hopes. they had asked to be made like Him, so He placed them in the fire, "as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Malachi 3:3), until they could reflect His image. They had asked to help carry His cross, yet when He held it out to them, it cut and tore their hands. They had not fully understood what they had asked, but He had taken them at their word and granted their requests." -Streams in the Desert 

 I have found this to be true. I have prayed all of those things, without knowing the full extent of what it would cost. But the truth is, the cost is nothing compared to what is gained. Now, I pray those prayers, knowing what it will mean. But I still desire it. I want it. I long to be like Jesus, no matter what it takes. One of the most amazing things a disciple of Christ can experience is to be a partaker of His suffering. I want feel what Jesus feels. I want my heart to break for the things that His heart breaks for. I want to cry His tears. I want to see through His eyes. I want His desires to be my desires, and His will my will. I want to give myself fully and completely for the Lord's will. "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Phil. 1:21) If there is still breath in my lungs on this earth, it is for Christ. That His life may be lived through me. Physical death is gain for the believer because they will go to be with Christ. But... while I live, to die is gain when I am dying to myself and my flesh. It is then and only then that I can "present [my] [body] a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God" (Romans 12:1). Any "sacrifice" I make for Christ is really not losing anything, but gaining everything. "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." (Phil. 3:8) 

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)