*Sigh* Wow. I don't even know where to begin this post. There's so much on my heart and mind! It's like a salad filled with a million good, wonderful things- but they're all mixed together, so it's hard to sort out each individual part. :) One of the most exciting things in the world for me is when I re-learn things. No, really! When I am able to grasp something in a way I wasn't able to before. When truth goes from head knowledge to being ingrained deep in my heart. It's something amazing when I read a verse I've read countless times before, and God reveals Himself and His truth in a way I wasn't able to see previously. I know I will continue to grow and learn until my very last breath on this earth! God is so, so good. I know this one is rather lengthy, but if you have the time, I believe it's worth the read.
I have been learning so much about dying. Yep, that's right- death. Sound depressing? haha. Quite the contrary! Listen to the words of Jesus...
"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." Matt. 16:25
Now, it's easy for me to say I would die for Christ. Like the Jesus Freak stories I've read. Of course I would rather die than deny or renounce Him. But, am I willing to deny myself for Him? Am I willing to sacrifice "myself"? If I say I have "given my life to Christ," that means that I no longer possess the rights to myself- Jesus does now. "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." (Galatians 2:20) "To live is Christ..." (Phil. 1:21) Have you ever been in the midst of working to make a specific dream for your life become reality, only to discover that God had a different dream for you? I have. Having to "let go" of the dream, to let it die, is painful. But what if there is a God-given dream? Do we suppose, then, that we may hold onto it with a death grip? For surely if God gave something, He would not turn around and ask it of us. Right? ...Wrong. We can learn a lot about life from taking a close look at the acorn. "Think of the self that God has given as an acorn. It is a marvelous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional" (Passion & Purity, 164).
"Think of the grand glory of an oak tree. God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree. His intention for us is "...the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ" (Passion & Purity, 164). As clay in the hands of the Potter, we must trust Him. The purpose He has in mind for us is much higher than any purpose we could come up with for ourselves. God is in the process of making us like Jesus. What higher calling could we possibly have then to "...be conformed to the image of His Son." (Romans 8:29)?? Just as God has intended this for us, He is also the One who knows how it will be accomplished. "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." (1 Thess. 5:24) We must trust Him, and let Him have us, for "there is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go...There must be relinquishment. There is no way around it" (Passion & Purity, 165). Jesus spoke to us in John 12:24 about this process: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
Death means life. Not only new life, but multiplied life! We see this same concept again in John 15:2: "...every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit." Jesus is the vine, we are the branches, and God is the vine-dresser. God "prunes" us in order that we may be even more fruitful. To prune means to "cut off" or "remove." Though that sounds like an uncomfortable process, I am learning it is wonderful! Wonderful because it means growth, not because it's easy or feels good. I want grow. Ohhh, how I want to grow! Even when I can look at my own life and see some areas that need "pruned," I often don't know exactly *how* to do it. I am so thankful for the Vine-dresser! He knows exactly what He's doing.
Surrendering and relinquishing myself to Christ goes far beyond giving up my old, sinful ways.
"...So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for 'no polluted thing' can be offered." -Lilias Trotter
What does it mean then? Dying to myself means so much more than just saying no to sin. Jesus, who is the perfect, holy, spotless Son of God prayed to His Father, "...not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42) Was Jesus' will evil and wrong? No, of course not- He was God, in a body. Elisabeth Elliot writes in Passion & Purity, "It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and deserving of death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, "Not My will..." There could not have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything."
Everything. All of myself, and all of my life. This is what it means to present myself "a living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1). But, "what kind of a God is it who asks everything of us? The same God who "...did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all; and with this gift how can he fail to lavish upon us all he has to give?" (Passion & Purity, 40). Our God is indeed asking for "all," but He has also given "all." In the front of my Bible I have written a little quote by William Borden which reads, "Say no to self and yes to Jesus every time." It's a reminder that it is a choice that I have to make more than once. Though we as Christians only have to accept the gift of salvation one time, we do have hundreds of choices each and every day in which we must say "no" to ourselves and "yes" to Jesus. "Life requires countless "little" deaths--occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God" (Elisabeth Elliot, Passion & Purity, 73).
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." (Matt. 16:24)
It's amazing to think about how the very thing Jesus is asking us to do is the very thing He did. He denied Himself, took up His cross, and obeyed His Father. "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus...who...became obedient to the point of death."(Phil. 2:5,8) I am to have the mind of Christ. Am I obedient to the point of death? Even if it is not physical death on a cross, but merely a "little death" of my own dreams? Yes, Lord. I am willing. I will most gladly trade my dreams for Yours, Jesus. With thanksgiving, I will exchange my desires for the desires of my Lord. God's purposes and plans are always so much bigger than mine. Remember, this is the God who "did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all..." (Romans 8:32) He allowed Jesus to be broken in order that we might be healed.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5)
Jesus was broken on purpose, with purpose- that we might have life. Will Jesus allow and even ask us, His disciples, to be broken? The answer is yes.
"God has made me as bread for His chosen ones, and if it is necessary for be to be ground in the teeth of lions in order to feed His children, then blessed be the name of the Lord." -St. Ignatius, early Christian martyr
"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad." -Ruth Stull of Peru
From a worldly perspective, brokenness doesn't seem to be looked upon as a good thing, and certainly not a desirable state to be in. Without God in the picture, brokenness is a place of hopelessness. But there are many pictures of brokenness in the Bible where we find much hope. The quotes I just shared bring to my mind the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. In the gospel of John we read that it was a young boy who had only one small lunch with five loaves and two fish. When the disciples reported to Jesus and told Him about the loaves and the fish, they questioned "...but what are they among so many?" (John 6: 9) How often do we ask the same question? We look at the measure of need and we wonder what we even have to offer that will make any difference. But, I notice that Jesus was not concerned with the amount being offered. It seems as though He only needed something to be offered. I also notice that Jesus could have done the exact same miracle only using half of the boy's lunch. But He didn't do that either. He took all that was offered. Jesus took the loaves, "...blessed them and broke them..." (Luke 9:16) It was then that the multitude was fed. Not only that, but there were a whole lot of leftovers! When we offer all that we have to Jesus, He will use it. But we shouldn't be surprised and certainly needn't fear when He breaks the portion we lay in His hands in order to multiply it.
Brokenness is brought to our hearts by many different means. It could be the death of a family member or dear friend. It could be the loss of a dream. It could be a chronic illness. It could be a divorce or break up. Sorrow. Pain. Loneliness. Tragedy of any kind brings brokenness. Some of these cases in which we are broken are not because we offered something to Jesus, and we certainly can't see any multitudes being fed as a result. Our human minds want to know "Why, God?? Why?" We cannot see the purpose in the midst of our pain. But let me assure you, God is near. I remember back in December 2007. It was a day when my heart was brought to the place of brokenness. I remember crying out to God, "Be near to me!" ...Then, I opened up my Bible and read Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart..." God answered me directly, and let me know that He was already near- He was right there. Since then, that verse has been very dear to me and has brought comfort and strength to my heart many times over. Those who know God, and those who don't know Him, all face pain. But I have learned that with God in the picture, there is no wasted pain. Give it to Jesus. With sorrow often comes loneliness. Or perhaps the loneliness from the loss of someone dear is the cause of the sorrow. Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "loneliness itself is material for sacrifice." It can bring us so much closer to our Lord than could otherwise be if it had not been for our sorrow. We can give our loneliness, even our pain to Jesus. "Cast your burden on the Lord..." (Psalm 55:22) Whatever the burden is, we can bring it --offer it-- to Him. Yes, even our brokenness is material for sacrifice. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart--These O God, You will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)
There is hope for every broken heart, and that is Jesus. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3) "...by His wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5) Our God is healer. And believe me, He will use the pain you go through to not only draw you closer to Himself, but also draw others. It may be in the midst of the pain, or a little ways down the road, but He will bring into your path the broken heart of another to which you will then be able to know what they are feeling and bring comfort by pointing them to the Healer.
Wow. Our God is so good! My heart is in awe of Him. This post probably should have been five different posts, but there's no turning back now, haha. I am learning that instead of getting depressed or throwing a fit when I face "little deaths," brokenness, or pruning, I can look at the situation with new eyes. My heart can instead rejoice with the knowledge that God is at work creating new life, bringing good, and growing me! Can I get an "amen?"
